The Thoughts of an American Libyan

A Sneak Peak In My Life

2008-12-22T19:07:00.001-08:00

As you all know I am a Muslim and as a Muslim woman I do cover my hair. Through the years I have been hearing stories about how difficult it is for Muslim woman who wear a headscarf to get a job. In all honesty, I don’t believe it’s more difficult then the next person because of wearing the headscarf. I believe it is all about personality and work ethic. Yes, I do believe looks play a huge part in some jobs, I just don't believe a headscarf takes you down some points on the looks scale. If anything it adds!! :) I guess it all depends really. Of course I would not know first-hand since I haven’t really tried getting a job. I know I have tried at my school with no problem but I haven’t really had a chance to test the outside world. Never had a need to. But now that I finally came to my senses and realize that if I want to get anywhere in life I better get on with it and start getting some experience in my industry. Yes, I do have a lot of knowledge about my industry and what it pertains and the things that go with it but first-hand experience is not that much at all. Breaking into my industry is not easy; experience, time, patience, talent, and commitment are key. I pretty much have all that except for experience. I feel that being a Muslim woman is the cause of that with the help of my parents of course. Anyways I now feel it is time to gain that experience no matter what I have to do to get it. So the first on the list was calling a vast amount of companies to see if they need any help with anything, if they have any internships, and if I can at least job shadow if all else fails. So I get the numbers and everything I need and start calling. First call, second call, millionth call and nothing. Basically what I’m looking for is just not seen in this world. Apparently I can’t be in the building unless I’m getting paid and internships are pretty much at an all time low and since the economy is crap they are not hiring.

So I am sitting there thinking of my next move and realize that I actually do wear a headscarf and for the first time I really wonder if this would really be a problem for some places. I understand brand image. I know the game. I really don’t have an issue with it but I start wondering if the places I would like to be a part of will have a problem with it. After all the stories I hear I should be at least somewhat worried. So I pick up the phone and start calling the same places and basically ask if they have a dress policy and whatnot and then tell them that the reason I’m asking is because I wear a headscarf. The responses I got were definitely in my favor. They said they were more than fine with it and have no problem with it as long as the rest of me was cohesive with the dress policy and that it was against the law to not hire a person because of that. Yes, it was nice to hear that but I really do wonder if their actions match their words. Of course I won’t know unless I try and I should soon enough. I believe they said come March they would start hiring. Other said they would email me if anything comes up. Well that gives me time I guess. Until then though I have to start trying to find things on craigslist maybe, look online for ideas, call local small companies, something, anything!

Marriage Anyone?

2008-10-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

I always wonder why people are so obsessed with marriage. To me marriage is the combining of the lives of two people who love, respect, and cherish one another to the point where they can’t bear to be separated. That’s it. That’s what it should be but of course it isn’t. Marriage instead is like a military camp no pun intended. Lucky for me I have an unusual obsession with the military. So basically there is a lot of ups and downs, shouting and yelling, physical pain, emotional pain, fighting, little sleep, lots of baggage, and so on. Ok so marriage isn’t all bad. The thing that I don’t understand though is why we make marriage and love so hard. Why can’t we just have fun and not take it extremely seriously? Maybe that’s why there are so many divorces. People just become so overwhelmed because things are not “perfect”. Things aren’t they way they want it to be. They start finding faults, problems start to arise, you don’t treat each other like you used to, things start to change, you grow apart, you feel like you’re missing out on something, one of you cheats, there’s always fights, you let yourselves go, you forget about each other, and this list can go on and on and on. I mean we need to get a grip on ourselves here. We need to stand back and really look at the whole picture on why this always happens. Maybe because we make it happen. I believe it’s always on us. We need to stop living in La La land and come back to Earth. We need to think logically and not logically like people tell you to think, logically like you tell yourself to think. We need to listen to ourselves first. To me it feels like no one listens to themselves because if we did we wouldn’t be in half the messes we got ourselves into.

So why do we rush ourselves into marriage when we know we are not ready? Especially since we know all the bad things that come out of it? Why can’t we just wait until we fully understand the commitment and dedication marriage takes? Ooo that was trick question. Actually we are never really ready to get married and if you can grasp that fact and understand it and believe in it then you can go get married. This is why I don’t want to see young people thinking about marriage. They have no business thinking about it whatsoever. I find it so unbelievable that young teenagers are asking about marriage, wanting to know about it, trying to get engaged. Um excuse me. I know some of us are Muslims and Islam encourages young marriage but in this time and age I just don’t see it as the best option. I’m ready to get married they say. Please, just because you said that means you’re not.

I actually think marriage is a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong. A beautiful military camp and I can’t wait until I get married. I believe it’s exciting, scary, and so much fun. And of course this only happens if you marry someone who is within your range of expectations and Inshallah we all do and Inshallah we all have happy and successful marriages. But I believe marriage happens when it’s meant to happen. We all know if God wrote for it to happen it will happen…Until then we all must enjoy life. Oh yeah and it doesn’t hurt to pray for a good marriage!!!

Libyan Roots

2008-08-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

“How do you feel about your Libyan roots and how has it affected you as a person and how did it influence your upbringing in a western country? Also what were the advantages/disadvantages of having different roots from the rest?"

I still say I wish I was Libyan if you know what I mean. I am proud to be Libyan; a Libyan American. My Libyan side of me has not emerged until recently. Let’s say I haven’t been Libyan until about a couple years ago. My Libyan Arabic has improved, I understand the culture better, I understand the people better and I truly have appreciated my culture so very much. During my teenage years, I was not interested in my culture and lived like I was an American. I did not appreciate the Arabic language or their cultural practices. I wanted to live one way and my parents wanted to me to live another. I never understood why my parents and other Arab immigrants did the things they did. I never agreed with anything they said or did regarding Arab etiquette and customs. Many things were difficult to comprehend. I was used to the American way from my friends, television, books, etc. My parents and others like them were of course always finding fault in what I do. It was all very frustrating. The more they tried to change me the more I resisted. My mentality was already established as an American and I wasn’t about to change. My mind was made up. I wanted to marry from here, live here forever, and live the American dream/life. I hated the Arab mentality; women and men alike. I hated Arab men. I hated the way they regarded women. I felt that they had no respect and no compassion for other humans especially women. I wanted nothing to do with them or their culture. This was what I thought for the majority of my teen years until I went to Libya for the first time. My way of thinking quickly changed. I started to embrace my Libyan heritage and customs. I enjoyed the traditions and felt a deep connection with the country and people. From then on I wanted to learn everything about Libya. My Libyan Arabic got better. I started reading poems in Arabic and watching television in Arabic. I conversed with more Arab people even though I still felt oddly uncomfortable. Trust me people have told me I don’t fit in with Arab speaking gatherings but at least I can say I tried. If I was to marry I now want to marry a man who was born and raised in Libya inshallah and I might even like to live there for some time. Slowly I am beginning to understand the way they think and why they do what they do. Many people are shocked when I tell them this, saying they didn’t think it was possible for me to change as much. I’m proud to say that I have changed for the better.

There are many advantages and disadvantages from having different roots then the rest of the western world. Sometimes I feel stuck in between and it’s hard to choose the path you want to follow at times. There are many things that clash and that I have to fight for. There are times I feel out of place in both American and Arab settings but I believe it’s always better to have an open mind and to learn the ways of other cultures besides your own. I can get along with both sides very well and I love how my mentality is mixed. I appreciate the things my Libyan culture has taught me and I appreciate the things America has taught me. All this makes me the person I am now and makes me that much more worldly. I feel there is no more room for ignorance and I feel truly blessed I got to experience two very different worlds. My experiences will be with me for life.

You Choose!

2008-06-23T19:53:00.001-07:00

I thought why not let you all choose a topic for me to write about. If you have ever wondered what I thought about a certain subject now is your chance to let me know. I will then choose some topics that you give me and write what I think about them.

Thanks

Guess Who's Back!!

2008-03-27T03:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am still alive and well. Thank you all for not forgetting me for I know I have not been updating my blog. I know many of you are dying to know what has happened and how I am doing and I want to thank you all for caring. I really do appreciate it. Now without further ado your favorite American Libyan hopefully is back in full swing.

Anyways I have been super busy with life. I have been finding myself. Learning about myself and getting a feel for what I really want in life. I have to say many of my priorities have changed. My perspective on marriage has changed greatly. Family is getting to be extremely important. My relationship with Allah has changed. I’m closer to Him and I feel a great connection with Allah. I found that duah is something that I can’t live without. The importance on career has dropped somewhat. I have been through so many new experiences. I’m growing up and it feels great. I really feel that I have a life. My own life. A life that I have a say in. I feel like finally people look at me as a woman instead of a little girl. Finally, I found the courage to step up to the plate. Finally, I have the courage to live my life. To have a say in my life. Finally, things are going to change, inshallah in my favor. I learned when you put your trust in Allah, when you really believe and put your heart and soul in it, things come out the way you want it to. Fear is part of everyone’s life but I now tell myself that everything inshallah is going to be okay.

Eid Mubarak To You All!!!!!!

2007-10-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

Eid ul-Fitr is finally here. This Muslim holiday marks the end of Ramadan.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Ramadan and I wish you all a happy Eid!

Ramadan Kareem To You All!!!!!!

2007-09-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

For all of you who are lucky to be alive in this great month of Ramadan you should know that this could be your last. I know it is a month of greatness and great reward for those who deserve it so I am here to remind everyone, me included, that we must not let this month pass us by.

This month is considered the most respected and blessed month of the Islamic calendar so we must put in the effort to refrain from the evil seven: anger, envy, greed, lust, backbiting, gossip, and sarcasm when it is not called for. Of course we must also refrain from speaking evil and staying away from obscene and profane sights and sounds. Sexual intercourse during fasting is forbidden as well as anything that leads to excitement (if you can’t control yourself). I for one know how hard it is to refrain from doing what you are used to doing whatever it is but it must be done. For those of you who are rolling your eyes; at least compensate by doing more good than you are used to.

We are encouraged to read the Quran, make duah, and put more of an effort to follow the teachings of our religion Islam. We must remember that during fasting we are fulfilling an order from Allah and at the same time bringing us closer to Him. This act of fasting is known to open our hearts to Islam and gives us comfort in knowing that the rest of the Muslim Ummah will be fasting with us. The act of fasting brings peace and inner calmness to our souls and frees us from harm. Fasting teaches us self-discipline and sacrifice, and gives us an understanding for those who are less fortunate. Because of this compassion and understanding we gain from fasting it allows us Muslims to be more generous and charitable.

I urge all of you and I to read the entire Quran in this blessed month, take part in the special prayers, called Taraweeh, contribute donations, and to remember what being a Muslim is all about.

Thank you.

I wish you all a happy Ramadan.

Blog Makeover

2007-08-27T15:06:00.001-07:00

Blog makeover is canceled.

Why???

There is nothing to makeover... Sadly.

I looked over it and yes deleted the first post and toned down the vulgar language but other than that, I believe in what I wrote. I was shocked actually how some commenters really misjudged my posts. Some comments made me believe that I actually wrote in a judgmental manner, which I couldn't see when I went back and read them.

Yes, I have changed but I still believe in what I wrote, therefore I am keeping my blog the way it is with just a few minor changes. I wish there were things to change but there wasn't.

And readers,

Don't get me wrong, I want as many people out there to read my blog and comment but please don't get carried away. I'm not fighting you with my words. I'm not trying to make you believe in what I believe in. It's a blog folks...not me running to take over the world and telling you how I'm going to change it. No need to get scared and all. Like seriously some of the comments I get I don't even know where it's coming from but on the other hand, some commenters are great and they actually have an argument and great facts that make me think and sometimes even change my mind on things. These commenters are sometimes harsh but I appreciate it.

So from now on back up your comments with something real so instead of defending myself I could instead clarify.

Thank you.

Answering My Supposed Ideal Man.......Anonymous

2007-08-22T20:15:00.001-07:00

For his comment please look under "The Fear of Successful Women"

I am not sure if you will read this for you said you may never read my blog but just because I feel a need to respond, I will. You get your own post. How exciting!

Now, my whole entire blog is misleading to the readers and I don't know why that is. The WHOLE ENTIRE BLOG IS MISLEADING...to the readers that is. Sorry for the caps I’m making sure you got that. I see that now and I am going to do a WHOLE BLOG MAKEOVER.

One thing I want to make clear to you and to everyone else is that I am not talking about Libyan men. I am talking about Arab men. I love Libyan men. I love Libya and when and if I get married it will be to a Libyan man who was born and raised in Libya. Who is chauvinistic, temperamental, and shows me whose boss. I might even go down and live there. I have no idea why you would think I meant Libyan men. Surprised? You should be. I don’t think you know me that well! I will explain in another post.

Now as I have recently wrote I have changed my outlook and my opinions on things. I have sincerely apologized to ALL who have read this blog and started gagging on my absurd and delusional notions. If I could give a public apology I will do so in haste.

I am not sure if I should be laughing but I am not arrogant nor am I conceited. I may be very proud and very confident but it is not overpowering, at least to me. Now when did I ever mention that Libyan women are pathetic because you are giving me the impression I said so. I have Libyan women friends who are as strong as me maybe even stronger, who have ambitions, self-respect and are even more beautiful than me. I know my mothers Libyan friends who are married to Libyans and they are just the same. I love them. When did I ever trash them? If I did it was meant for ALL women who let men take charge of their lives. That’s when I have a problem but then again it’s their life. The thing is when these women complain, that’s when I get mad. For me its basically do something about it. I know it may not be easy but people should be aware of this and stop it for themselves before it gets out of hand.

So you see to those women who are living fantastically and love their lives: Bravo to them. If they are happy with their chauvinistic jerks of a man, good for them. I’m happy for them because as long as their happy there is nothing to say about them. Didn’t I ever mention that? If I am ranting and raving it’s not about people who are happy with their lives it’s about people who are unhappy with their lives. If they don’t have the same opinions as me that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My opinions are not rules and yes, I do make it sound as if what I say should go but it is not to be taken like that.

I love Bazeen by the way and the thing is I am shocked that you think I ditched my culture for something materialistic. There are times where I wish I could be like those women whose jobs are just to take care of the family and their house. There are many times where I look at Arab families in their Arab countries and wish I could have their lives. When I went to Libya my whole life changed. I look at the world with a new pair of eyes. Families that are tight nit and loving are a dream for me and if I had to trade the lifestyle of my ambitions for that I would. I want to live the Libyan culture life. I want to be on the floor stirring the dough of Bazeen. I want to do things that make my husband happy. I want that. And despite my high-class attitude you will be surprised with what’s inside me. What my deepest wishes are.

I’ll be the first to admit I have issues. Everyone does and like everyone else I am entitled to express my opinions and like you, I don’t believe I should convince the world to follow my way of thinking. Influence is a whole other thing. One gets influenced if only their own opinions and thoughts are not strong and that is not my problem to deal with.

You actually bring up a very good point. Anti-Islamic. Islam is my religion. There is nothing more important to me then to follow my religion. And as terrible as this sounds, there are some okay many things I believe in that clash with Islam. Now, that doesn’t mean I go run and do these things but I try my best to do them without crossing over the thin line of halaal and haram. If one is not able to do that, stay very far from my beliefs.
It’s complicated but I know I am not anti any of what you mentioned. I’m just tired of the destruction in this world.

I feel that if one just followed their religion we wouldn’t be having this many problems. But because culture and ones nefse, society and all that comes into play, the world goes upside down. The thing is, this is life and we are not able to change it so no, I don’t feel my ways are better for social change. Far from it actually. My previous posts are a bunch of b.s to tell you the truth. Why? Because of all the misconception and misleading information. I don’t think my opinions are very clear but don’t worry I’ll be doing a makeover for my blog.

I read over some parts of my blog and seriously there are parts where I cringe. There are good points I have written but I don’t think I’m being very clear on what I seriously believe in. My ego: hiki kuburha (Too bad my hands can’t even reach that far).

I feel bad you wouldn’t want people reading my posts and maybe you have a point there and maybe you are right, the issues I expressed are significant but not how I am expressing them. Language is a weapon. A very strong one. Not stronger than action but strong enough. I should take my time to think what other people might get from it. I changed my way of thinking, not because of you but I am excited to share it with everyone.

I do hope you will be visiting my blog again who knows maybe you’ll like my other posts. But I’m doing this for me. I wanted to change my blog anyways. My opinions were getting out of hand somewhat. Hopefully the coming Monday I will start on the makeover!!!

Thank you for your input.

Words of a Broken Heart......

2007-08-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

These past couple months have been an eye opener for me. I have learned more in these past few months than I have learned in years. It takes a calamity to really open one’s eyes. It’s a sad fact of life. The thing is some people understand the lesson that must be learned from the misfortune and some people don’t. I am glad I am from the ones that learn from mistakes and dreadful experiences.

I have actually been battling a few issues and hope to come up victorious. Of course one of those issues is men and of marriage; the others of Islam in general. I have grown up and changed my ways of thinking on certain matters. This is all due to someone……..

The first is my take on men. Arab men I want to sincerely apologize for criticizing you all for your behavior, morals, and your chauvinistic attitudes. I now believe you are who you are and you are free to be what you want to be. Who am I to say one way of thinking is wrong when there are people out in the world who are absolutely fine with it and who can appreciate it. Who am I to say one must live according to my principles when there are people who are living just fine. My take is that if you are not happy, change yourselves do not change others. I realize I am always trying to fix someone else. To change someone else but forget myself. I forget to work on myself for I am not perfect just like anyone else. I believe it is not my concern about how other people are living when I could better the way I am living. I am not saying that I am through with telling people how I think because I believe my opinions do matter just like everyone else’s and we should all help the world become a better place but I used to take that to an extent where other people lives overruled mine and what I say should go. So it was destroying me in the process because not only do I have to think about and deal with my own problems, I have to deal with everyone else’s and it frustrates me to no end when people don’t think the way I do. It is very tiring actually. I have now learned that being happy with yourself is most important and it is you who shape your outlook on life not others. So basically instead of dying inside because my friend isn’t the best person she could be or that the man I care about has issues I need to just accept the fact that not everyone is perfect and those issues are not mine to deal with and of course everyone has their own opinions in life, none right non wrong.

Another thing I have learned is relationships are a waste of time before marriage. I never did believe in relationships before marriage and still do not. It makes one think about Islam that’s for sure. I do believe that your sins will catch up with you one day. So yes, I have learned a lot. Relationships are out of the question and should be out of the question for all Muslims. Sins will add up and make your life miserable. You wonder why so many people are miserable and now you know. Sins are our worst enemy in this life so beware. Make tawba and ask for forgiveness and start over. Allah is the most forgiving and gives many chances to those He loves.

Allah also tests us. To see how patient we are. To see if we will turn to him for support. To help us come back to him when we forget. Allah has a way of showing things to us, making us learn, making us think. Tests like what I’m going through makes us believe that Allah sees everything, knows everything, and does what he wills. Not one of us could change what is already written and cannot escape Allah’s punishment if it is willed upon us. Allah truly does know best and he knows what’s best for us. Things that we believe are not good for us could end up being the best for us. Things that we believe are the best for us could end up being the worst for us. That is why we must believe in Allah; put our trust in Allah, and whatever is meant to be will be. Whatever lesson Allah wants taught will be taught. I am closer to Allah than I have ever been in my life. Instead of being mad at the world, I put my trust in Allah and I believe He knows what He is doing even though I can’t see it. All I can do is pray and be patient.

One more thing is to believe in yourself. Trust yourself for you know what’s best for you. Allah is the only one who knows more about you than you do. That’s why you must follow your heart and head not just anyone’s advice and must ask for Allah’s help before anyone else. This strong connection with Allah is what is helping me through this and trust me if I could just brush this incident off like nothing I would. I tried with no success. Allah wants me to learn from this and trust me I’m definitely learning.

Basically I’m saying to be careful in what you do. This life is made up of a bunch of tests. You either pass it or fail. If you put your trust in Allah and be patient you will overcome anything no matter how big or small. Don’t wait until a calamity falls over you. Start now. Strengthen your bond with Allah as soon as possible. You never know He might save you from enduring a calamity that was coming your way and remember Allah never burdens us with more than we could bear. And yea, non-Muslims could learn from this too.

ps: April 11th post will be reevaluated ;)

Dealing with Personal Issues

2007-05-22T16:36:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my disappearance.

Please bear with me.

I will be back shortly.

-American Libyan

WORLD WAR III: The Battle of the Sexes

2007-04-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

Lately the phenomenon on male bashing is getting a bit out of hand. From articles, the media, females; the world of male bashing is horrendous. Not just that, but it has become culturally acceptable to bash and ridicule men! This may not come to a surprise for many of you but it is tiring. To put it bluntly this generation has no hope and I am still debating whether the next generation will be worse or a tad better. We need to put a stop to this but really who’s listening since they’re all laughing?

Our brains are already embedded with male and female stereotypes from these bashings that World War III already started awhile back and we haven’t really noticed it. We are so used to these stereotypes, also known as male/female bashing, that it just goes unnoticed. Unnoticed meaning, it goes into one year and out the other just like it goes into one eye and out the other. Hello people, do you know what this is doing to our children and future children. Do you really want them to be bitter and cynical or passive aggressive and overpowered like us? It’s already been happening and unless we do something about it, God help the future generations.

This might be a little rash but World War III is worse then World War I and II put together. It’s that bad. World War III is so bad that it has been going on for the last thirty years and won’t end anytime soon. And for those who say they have never been in a war or plan to anytime soon how’s that for a shocker? Who said war is all about killing and blood. War is about heartbreak, destruction, demolition. Isn’t that what we’re doing?

Take a minute and think about it…

Yep, that’s I thought.

Male bashing is what concerns me though, and it's men who mostly get bashed nowadays. To be honest with you I do my own share of male bashing but you will have to excuse me. Since everyone could come up with an excuse I might as well. I bash men who deserve it just like I bash females, when the time calls for it that is. These bashings are my *special* for those who deserve it only. What I’m saying is erase it from any form of media. ANY form of media. What’s really going on in the world is dangerous. This danger is coming from the media; then it is coming from society.

“According to "Gender Issues in Advertising Language", television portrayals that help create or reinforce negative stereotypes can lead to problems with self-image, self-concept, and personal aspirations. This means that young men learn that they are expected to mess up, that women will have the brains to their brawn, and that childcare is over their heads” (Abernathy, Michael). We might think that men are the only ones suffering from this and some of you might quickly reply by saying that women are also suffering since they believe all this bashing but what about kids? A new study from Children Now found out that 2/3 of children they surveyed describe men on TV as angry and only 1/3 report ever seeing a man on television performing domestic chores, such as cooking or cleaning. Young boys look for role models and usually try to find them on television but as we all know, there are so little positive role models for young boys on television. You turn on the television and are bombarded with television shows and commercials that promote the stereotypical male bashing. Yes, it is deemed humorous but is it really? Men on television used to be wise and magnificent and women used to be mindless who were basically just housewives. Now men are shown as clumsy and inept, embarrassing, selfish, cheaters, pathetic, lazy, and inconsiderate whereas, women are now shown as independent, assertive, intelligent, caring, and strong. Men ruled the world and we were just slaves. Now the tables are very very slowly turning and no I am not happy about it. Equality is what I believe in. I believe men and women bring different characteristics to a relationship that should be embraced and used wisely to bring the best out of both them.

Men you need to stand up for yourselves. The reason you are being ridiculed is because you’re easy targets. You just sit there and laugh or is it because there is an ounce of truth in this male bashing phenomenon? I’m sick of it. Aren’t you? And when you start thinking why the gay guys are getting all the girls you have to start wondering. I mean, it’s the gay guys straight men go to, to get advice about women, relationships, and the sort; of course after they get over the fact that there are guys who are into guys. Then there are my favorite guy magazines Maxim and Playboy that I would actually subscribe for my man so I could secretly look and read them too, in the bathroom that is. Wink wink. I close my eyes at the “bad” parts though don’t worry. Anyways magazines like this and shows like the popular “The Man Show” just love to help promote that men are simply beer-drinking, horny bastards. The sad thing is young men believe this. They believe it then they promote it by being it.

The website askmen.com is my favorite website for men. It’s just a beautiful website. Everything I want to know is right under my fingertips. I recently was reading about male bashing on this site and I just have to quote this.

“Seinfeld says it all and TV teaches us an important lesson. Such guys fit the bill laid out by Jerry Seinfeld in his standup special, I'm Telling You for the Last Time: "Women always want to know what men are thinking. You really want to know what we're thinking about? Okay, I'll tell you... Nothin'. Guys are just walking around, looking around."

That's right, guys are. The stereotype isn't really so much about all men, but rather about guys of the male gender.

If you don't see the difference, here's an example. Given two plastic cups stacked together too tightly to separate:

· A woman will hand it to a male, to give him a problem to solve (and thereby pad his ego, which she knows he needs to survive), while simultaneously testing whether he's a man or a guy (women love to test us).

· A man might put ice in the top cup and run the bottom cup under hot water; the bottom expands while the top contracts, and the two are easily separated.

· A guy will twist and grimace until a) veins pop out of his forehead, then b) the cups break in his hands. Cue cursing, followed by despondent silence, during which he just wants to be left alone.

In short, a guy is a caricature composed of the particularly unfemale male traits: stubbornness, inability to listen or plan ahead, a desire to show off, a fascination with basic human functions, etc.”

I love this. Its guys not men. Women take a deep breath, let it out, and relax. Ahhhhhhhh. I feel good. Now we just have to deal with men. Now we can stop swearing and cussing out men and just do that for guys. We are finally safe.

Do you think this is why males don't rise up and fight the female powers who increasingly have a say in the media. Jake Brennan, the guy who wrote the article I just quoted, tells us to remember that a stereotype is a portrait of what is perceived, rightly or wrongly, to be an average. He goes on to say, “And averages are affected by extremes. Sure, some males are guys, but hey, some blondes are ditzy….So, males either know they're not like that … and can therefore laugh at the stereotype, or the guys among us identify and laugh at themselves and the fact that they're getting away with it all. When you consider the weight of influence in the spheres of politics, business and the arts, yup, the scales still tip toward male. And if men want to continue to have their cake a little while longer, they're going to have to accept that, from time to time, some of that cake will be rammed down their throat.” I couldn’t have said that better myself.

To sum it all up school Psychologist, Ida Rose Heckard, lists how male bashing hurts us and what she has to say about it:

Male bashing distorts our view of men. I didn't realize how much I'd bought into negative stereotypes about men until one day, early in my marriage, when my husband, George, returned home in the midst of my annual holiday cookie baking. I thought to myself, Watch, just like a man, he won't help a bit, but he'll be happy to eat the goods. Much to my surprise, he eagerly joined in, recalling fond memories of making sandtarts with his grandmother. Since then, he's become our family's chief Christmas cookie baker.

Male bashing negatively affects our friends. Leslie desired a family but at thirty-four was still single. Her struggles with difficult male coworkers left her fearful she could never live with a man. She and I often commiserated over tea in the cafeteria. Although we enjoyed the camaraderie, I began to see that I was helping to solidify her fears.

Male bashing threatens our relationships with men. Because it's essentially gossip, male bashing undermines trust—the foundation of relationships—and makes it difficult for men to be vulnerable. Jeff, a church friend, once admitted to me that he avoided committees on which a particular woman served because she often used her husband's weaknesses as amusing anecdotes. "If she talks like that about him," he confided, "what might she say about me?"

Male bashing hurts our children. Initially, I was amused to hear my five-year-old son tell a baby sitter we have four children in our family: himself, his brother, his sister, and his father. But I was embarrassed when I later learned he'd merely repeated my own words. As my son and I talked, he asked me, "Mommy, what do you say about me? " I realized when my children hear me belittle their father, they question their own security. After all, if someone as powerful as Daddy is vulnerable to such disregard, aren't they also?

World War III. That’s all I’ve got to say…

Love / Relationship Doctors & Articles Corrupt the Mind...and We Thought They Were Doing Us a Favor

2007-04-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

I can’t help but cringe every time I see articles and whatnot discussing the most asked question of “how do I get him back” among other things. I mean to me it’s like give me a break ladies. Get on with yourselves. I don’t care about any of the bull shit these relationship doctors say- no offense- but because of these articles and relationship doctors are love life is forever corrupted and don't even ask me where my facts to support these statements are. If you are still asking, stop reading my post and join the 50% of the population that has relationship trouble. When your troubles exceed your abilities to deal start reading relationship articles for help and see if you could become part of the other half of the population. No success? I thought so. Want to know why? Because 100% of the population has relationship trouble. It doesn't matter what half you're on; both got issues. It's just that one half is doing a little better and that half is not I repeat is not reading these damn articles to get help they read it for general info (not always good). These articles and doctors help you feel better for a minute then your back where you started; sometimes in a worse place. Dare to disagree?

-If you do this he will be running after you

-How to be irresistible to men

-How to get the love life you deserve

-How to get him to come crawling back

-What goes on in a man’s mind

-How to cheat proof your relationship

-Understanding men’s baffling behavior

Give me a serious break. Could you tell me why men aren’t obsessed with these articles and books when it comes to their women problems? (Unless they are seriously pathetic and I know all you people out there agree only pathetic men do this right?) But it’s all good when we females do it. We even have little seminar meetings to talk about the latest “Man” information. Doesn’t that tell us something? Men are just human beings like us women. We don’t have to major in “Man” to be happy with one. Yes, information is great but when one does all that crap about, “buy my e-book and this and this happens” you are like yeaaaaaaaaa and there goes another one. Don’t get me wrong, these self help books are great when you don’t need them and only read them for general info but when you’re dying because your man isn’t retuning your calls and you fly to your nearest bookstore, library, and internet café to get the latest books and read the latest articles on the subject of men-I am sorry but that is why the man stopped calling you. A man left for his own reasons so let him be. Ever think when you leave a man and the man just won’t let you go and he’s doing all this stuff to get you to see how much he loves you and you’re just like ewww get away from me because you just do not want him. Your minds already mind up. You moved on…you’re done period. So why is it okay for us women to do this to a guy expecting him to come running back? I mean please have some self-respect. I will give you some real advice that you will be more than dumb not to follow.

-If a man says he is breaking up with you...move on case closed. There is not ifs ands or buts the only thing you should be doing with his butt is kicking it real good.

-If a man stops calling you and he has your number don’t call him…ever until he calls you. If he never calls you in a three month period move on without calling him that is. If you happen to meet him and he says, “Oh hey baby I lost my phone that’s why I haven’t called you,” look at him directly in the eye and give him a big smile and say awww that’s really sad because not only have you lost your phone but you lost me too and leave without looking back. If he comes back crawling and shows you he cares and what not give him another chance. If he does it again he’s gone for good. Repeat after me- he is gone for good.

-If he texts and never calls. Don’t text him back until he calls. After he calls resume your texting. Remember both have to happen. And if he refuses to call -for Gods sake do you even have to ask?

-If he’s ignoring you, kill him for whatever reason- by words that is case closed. This behavior is unacceptable.

-If he cheats on you and you are thinking of giving him another chance go kill yourself right now. I’ll forgive you for not reading the rest of my post. Under no circumstances should you ever take him back. I don’t care if he is rich and you’re broke and you got 10 kids. Go live in the street and take your kids with you if you have to. If you won’t listen to this advice at least get two witnesses that saw him cheat and take them and him to Saudi Arabia so he could get stoned to death. You know what I am talking about Muslims. Remember there are men out there who will never cheat on you so why should you settle for less than you deserve?

-Don’t ever listen to a man’s words blindly it’s his actions that count. If both don’t connect run. Run run run and don’t stop running until he’s dead then you could start walking.

Other case scenarios mhmm there are plenty. Too much that is. Don’t get me wrong though, women could be worse than men on a lot of points trust me. Anyways my main advice is just do whatever you feel is right not what you wish was right. For instance, if you feel like you don’t know if you should take back your cheating man just take a minute and you will find the answer deep within you. If it says no don’t take him back but you know you want to don’t take him back. If it is the opposite well do what you gotta do. Personally, I would just pray Salat-Alistikhara. Actually I’ll just take him to Saudi… if he is cheating that is. Again Muslims you should know what I am talking about.

Just remember there are millions of men out there and one of them could be everything you want so don’t limit yourself ever. He should treat you with the utmost respect and love-that is as long as you’re treating him like that also.

Good luck with your relationships my readers. This won’t be the last time love comes up and you should be happy about that.

THE FEAR OF THE SUCCESSFUL WOMAN

2007-03-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my circle of strong, ambitious, and demanding women. If you are the type of woman who sits around all day daydreaming about the day of your wedding-excuse me but please GET OUT OF HERE! (I hope you all saw my quite please in the beginning) I have never been the type of women swooning over gorgeous men who know how to sweet talk a women into loving them (on accident of course) and dreaming about how much money he should spend on my wedding and how great our life is going to be. I mean please; does my writing even suggest I am that kind of person? Because if it does, please tell me-politely of course- to stop writing publicly. Anyways my point is maybe I should GET OUT of my own circle and form a new one called WOMEN COMPROMISERS where women who own billion dollar companies can come in and talk about how they “compromised” with their husbands that they will cook dinner every two years or so or better yet form a circle with women who could complain to each other about how they can’t find a man who will accept their ambitiousness or how their husbands are a bunch of controlling jealous a-holes who aren’t able to see how perfect their life could be if only he would shut up about how she lives her life and what she does in it. That’s where I come in and demand to know why she doesn’t hire a lawyer (I’ve already gotten my divorce lawyer prepared for my divorce and how it’s going to go down and I am not even married yet) and kick more than his ass to the curb. No joke.

I have always wondered why Arab men have to be such chauvinists when it comes to women, money, and careers. For God sake men let it go and stop being such bigots. The reason we go out and have careers is because we WANT to not because we want to flaunt it in your face and start singing “na na nana na I make more money than yoooou and I’m just a giiiirl” and then stick out our tongues at you like some two year old, excluding me of course; I still do that all the time-- it’s my guilty pleasure. Anyways I know men want to feel strong and manly and want to have power over women and want to feel that a woman needs them and yatta yatta yatta but uh habibi hate to bust your bubble but who said us successful ambitious women don’t want that? Trust me, we want a strong masculine man in our life and trust me he will have power over us if we love him, and I hate to say this but we need our men. We just don’t need you to run our lives with your cultural ways. So please enlighten me, exactly what are you chauvinists afraid of?

All I know is that if my man gave me such a hard time for being me than I will calmly walk to our bedroom, grab a duffel bag and stuff anything I see that is his into it, walk calmly back out, thrust it into his arms, and nicely escort him to the door, then to his car, then finally while giving him a quick peck on the cheek tell him to have a nice life with his secretary and I’ll send the rest of his stuff to him ASAP. It’s simple as saying your name if you ask me but then again I have always been simple - wink wink. If that is what you are afraid of simply do not be an SOB about your women’s life. Live your life let her live hers and meet up in bed every chance you get. So very simple. Erase your expectations men and women. Live life like how it’s supposed to be lived. Be happy and in love. This society tends to make everything harder, but then again at the end it is all up to you. I am really sad that we females have to pay an enormously expensive price for our success and that men are intimidated by us, preferring women who need protecting and who can’t live without them. I know one of my biggest fears is not finding a man willing to accept and support my ambitions and dreams. I know this fear is in most successful women worldwide. How could men be like this? How could a man give up the chance of loving and living a nice life with a successful beautiful woman? That’s just insanity. I mean if the woman was all caught up in her career and she makes it known that that is the most important thing in her life then I believe men have a reason to run far away from her. But what about the successful women who want live a happy married life and would take their marriage seriously and love their husbands with all their being? Men, how could you deny successful women the right to marry happily and stay married happily? Are you men that insecure? All I know is that I will never settle less than what I deserve and it makes me realize that I must ask my husband-to-be(whoever that would be) some important questions before I lose sight of my beliefs and fall blindly into his arms before realizing he was a chauvinist all along. It’s not like I’m hoping to use my divorce lawyer or anything…

Answering Libyan Violet.....

2007-01-27T02:28:00.000-08:00

I despise Arab men for many reasons but men in America have there issues too. I try not to be too cynical when it comes to men and relationships but knowing me and my persona I just take it in stride. Being Muslim I do try to follow the Islamic guidelines of communicating with the opposite sex; something that is hard to do in a non-Muslim country. I will say that I am extremely perceptive and maybe more curious then Curious George, which I am not really convinced, is a good thing. Basically the more you know about any subject the more you question the facts, opinions, studies and the like. Psychology is something that I am fascinated with, so it explains why I dig deeper into subjects that I should stay far away from. Subjects that have to do with love, relationships, culture, sex, and the like. If you knew me well you would see me pouring over books, encyclopedias, and articles. Trying to understand why things happen; what makes things happen. I am tired of all the unanswered questions and the corruption of the mind and soul and would love to just give all my knowledge of love and everything in between to the first person who asks for it. After all has it really done me any good?

You must know I am usually interested in the differences between Muslim men in general. Africaans, Northern Africans, Middle Easterns, Asians, Indians, American Muslims and the like; living here and living in their countries. Huge differences if you ask me. What I realized is that if any of these men or women in that matter were born and raised here in America they are Americans except worse because there parents stuff their brains with culture crap, which only confuses them and their torn between living the American way or the Islamic way. If they end up choosing the American way they usually end up putting a whole new meaning to the word Americanized and if they choose the Islamic way they put a whole new meaning to the word sheikh. They merely forgot there is the in-between, which has its advantages and disadvantages and which I am currently living in. I do have parents that I live with and there still stuck in the Libyan mentality that even Libyans got rid of some 20 years back. Then you have the FOBs- the people that are fresh off the boat from there countries. Oh poor souls may I save thee from becoming lost forever. They simply lose there innocence but then again it depends on when they arrive.

It's all just a lost cause to me. One just has to deal!