“How do you feel about your Libyan roots and how has it affected you as a person and how did it influence your upbringing in a western country? Also what were the advantages/disadvantages of having different roots from the rest?"
I still say I wish I was Libyan if you know what I mean. I am proud to be Libyan; a Libyan American. My Libyan side of me has not emerged until recently. Let’s say I haven’t been Libyan until about a couple years ago. My Libyan Arabic has improved, I understand the culture better, I understand the people better and I truly have appreciated my culture so very much. During my teenage years, I was not interested in my culture and lived like I was an American. I did not appreciate the Arabic language or their cultural practices. I wanted to live one way and my parents wanted to me to live another. I never understood why my parents and other Arab immigrants did the things they did. I never agreed with anything they said or did regarding Arab etiquette and customs. Many things were difficult to comprehend. I was used to the American way from my friends, television, books, etc. My parents and others like them were of course always finding fault in what I do. It was all very frustrating. The more they tried to change me the more I resisted. My mentality was already established as an American and I wasn’t about to change. My mind was made up. I wanted to marry from here, live here forever, and live the American dream/life. I hated the Arab mentality; women and men alike. I hated Arab men. I hated the way they regarded women. I felt that they had no respect and no compassion for other humans especially women. I wanted nothing to do with them or their culture. This was what I thought for the majority of my teen years until I went to Libya for the first time. My way of thinking quickly changed. I started to embrace my Libyan heritage and customs. I enjoyed the traditions and felt a deep connection with the country and people. From then on I wanted to learn everything about Libya. My Libyan Arabic got better. I started reading poems in Arabic and watching television in Arabic. I conversed with more Arab people even though I still felt oddly uncomfortable. Trust me people have told me I don’t fit in with Arab speaking gatherings but at least I can say I tried. If I was to marry I now want to marry a man who was born and raised in Libya inshallah and I might even like to live there for some time. Slowly I am beginning to understand the way they think and why they do what they do. Many people are shocked when I tell them this, saying they didn’t think it was possible for me to change as much. I’m proud to say that I have changed for the better.
There are many advantages and disadvantages from having different roots then the rest of the western world. Sometimes I feel stuck in between and it’s hard to choose the path you want to follow at times. There are many things that clash and that I have to fight for. There are times I feel out of place in both American and Arab settings but I believe it’s always better to have an open mind and to learn the ways of other cultures besides your own. I can get along with both sides very well and I love how my mentality is mixed. I appreciate the things my Libyan culture has taught me and I appreciate the things America has taught me. All this makes me the person I am now and makes me that much more worldly. I feel there is no more room for ignorance and I feel truly blessed I got to experience two very different worlds. My experiences will be with me for life.
