I despise Arab men for many reasons but men in
You must know I am usually interested in the differences between Muslim men in general. Africaans, Northern Africans, Middle Easterns, Asians, Indians, American Muslims and the like; living here and living in their countries. Huge differences if you ask me. What I realized is that if any of these men or women in that matter were born and raised here in America they are Americans except worse because there parents stuff their brains with culture crap, which only confuses them and their torn between living the American way or the Islamic way. If they end up choosing the American way they usually end up putting a whole new meaning to the word Americanized and if they choose the Islamic way they put a whole new meaning to the word sheikh. They merely forgot there is the in-between, which has its advantages and disadvantages and which I am currently living in. I do have parents that I live with and there still stuck in the Libyan mentality that even Libyans got rid of some 20 years back. Then you have the FOBs- the people that are fresh off the boat from there countries. Oh poor souls may I save thee from becoming lost forever. They simply lose there innocence but then again it depends on when they arrive.
It's all just a lost cause to me. One just has to deal!
6 comments:
Hi American Libyan, I found your blog via Libyan Violet and so far I think your two posts are very interesting.
Honestly, I need your help Violet. I need your help in understanding the average Libyan man. I need this information badly because I am afraid of the unknown. That is my core motivation of learning everything I can get my hands on. I am Libyan-as you know-and I am probably destined to marry a Libyan man from Libya rather than a Libyan man from America.
Allow me to attempt to answer this . From what I learned about the Libyan men who by the way are very handsome, nice , protective, caring and sweet , but they have a few problems : they are jealous if you have a better job and are more educated than them, and they prefer you to have hijab to get married even if it is just out of hypocrisy and many are really chauvinists and if you speak a foreign language which they don't know they may God help you if you use it to talk to a friend :P
It's silly but not all men are like that
On the other hand you don't have to worry about the shopping , the bills, the driving , stuff around the house etc..
Hope that was any help ?
"they are jealous if you have a better job and are more educated than them, and they prefer you to have hijab to get married even if it is just out of hypocrisy and many are really chauvinists and if you speak a foreign language which they don't know they may God help you if you use it to talk to a friend :P"
I think the following excerpt describes it best :
"At a party for the Broadway opening of "Sweet Smell of Success," a top New York producer gave me a lecture on the price of female success that was anything but sweet. He confessed that he had wanted to ask me out on a date when he was between marriages but nixed the idea because my job as a Times columnist made me too intimidating. Men, he explained, prefer women who seem malleable and awed. He predicted that I would never find a mate because if there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties. Will she be critical of absolutely everything, even his manhood?
He had hit on a primal fear of single successful women: that the aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.
A few years ago at a White House correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful and successful actress. Within minutes, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with young women whose job it was was to care for them and nurture them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
John Schwartz of The New York Times made the trend official in 2004 when he reported: "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame." A study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggested that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. There it is, right in the DNA: women get penalized by insecure men for being too independent.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, theorized, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference between their attraction to men who might work above them and their attraction to men who might work below them.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? Do women get less desirable as they get more successful?
After I first wrote on this subject, a Times reader named Ray Lewis e-mailed me. While we had assumed that making ourselves more professionally accomplished would make us more fascinating, it turned out, as Lewis put it, that smart women were "draining at times."
Or as Bill Maher more crudely but usefully summed it up to Craig Ferguson on the "Late Late Show" on CBS: "Women get in relationships because they want somebody to talk to. Men want women to shut up."
Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.
Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of "Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children," a book published in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. And among corporate executives who earn $100,000 or more, she said, 49 percent of the women did not have children, compared with only 19 percent of the men.
Hewlett quantified, yet again, that men have an unfair advantage. "Nowadays," she said, "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. For men, the reverse is true."
A 2005 report by researchers at four British universities indicated that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to marry, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
On a "60 Minutes" report on the Hewlett book, Lesley Stahl talked to two young women who went to Harvard Business School. They agreed that while they were the perfect age to start families, they didn't find it easy to meet the right mates.
Men, apparently, learn early to protect their eggshell egos from high-achieving women. The girls said they hid the fact that they went to Harvard from guys they met because it was the kiss of death. "The H-bomb," they dubbed it. "As soon as you say Harvard Business School . . . that's the end of the conversation," Ani Vartanian said. "As soon as the guys say, 'Oh, I go to Harvard Business School,' all the girls start falling into them."
Hewlett thinks that the 2005 American workplace is more macho than ever. "It's actually much more difficult now than 10 years ago to have a career and raise a family," she told me. "The trend lines continue that highly educated women in many countries are increasingly dealing with this creeping nonchoice and end up on this path of delaying finding a mate and delaying childbearing. Whether you're looking at Italy, Russia or the U.S., all of that is true." Many women continue to fear that the more they accomplish, the more they may have to sacrifice. They worry that men still veer away from "challenging" women because of a male atavistic desire to be the superior force in a relationship.
"With men and women, it's always all about control issues, isn't it?" says a guy I know, talking about his bitter divorce.
Or, as Craig Bierko, a musical comedy star and actor who played one of Carrie's boyfriends on "Sex and the City," told me, "Deep down, beneath the bluster and machismo, men are simply afraid to say that what they're truly looking for in a woman is an intelligent, confident and dependable partner in life whom they can devote themselves to unconditionally until she's 40."
Even though it was written by an American journalist:p. So it seems to be the same in western and eastern societies except the notion of feminism is still new in the Arab world and for the hijab.
Will Arab woman learn from the mistakes of those who started this movement or will they waste another 50 years going through the same errors, before admitting their mistakes?
Even though I don't think most Arab woman are that successful; yet they are as a friend put it "wannabes", i.e blindly and ignorantly imitating western woman, while they don't really posses their same level of knowledge and experience; which is why most smart Arab men who have lived in the west will detect their shallowness and lack of real life experience and prompt for a woman who is less stubborn and less ignorant. To be honest though there are many wannabe men who wrongfully judge woman who are smarter than them, but they are like the wannabe woman. I guess its a question of where you want to end in the future and what you want from life, some people learn from others mistakes others have to make their own, which are you?
I could also approach the subject from a religious viewpoint but I'd rather not; so as not to offend anyones spiritual choices.
The full article is here
Highlander,
I agree with you on the handsome, nice, protective to the extreme I might add, caring and sweet. Now for the problems please spare me. Now for the cousin cousin thing I talked about I would say I do have the upper hand in most aspects. I talk English, Arabic, and some Italian. I am in the process of possibly triple majoring! probably will have a better job than my man for my man has to work in the business I am creating. Is there really no hope for me?
Oh by the way what did you mean by “On the other hand you don't have to worry about the shopping, the bills, the driving, stuff around the house etc..”
Thanks for your comment!
Thanks for making this post to answer me American Libyan. I'm sorry I did not read it earlier , but have been away from the blogging scene.
I understand your rant, join the gang I've been trying to understand the average Libyan man and the non average one for years and years ( was even married to one once) and I thought they were unique and now anonymous comes and blows out my theory by showing that all men are really the same in what they want in a woman.
Keep on blogging and bringing up interesting ideas and discussions and you will find the truth somewhere.
Interesting, I must say
Welcome back Violet. Men are simple “creatures” but we tend to view them complex and I am still trying to figure out why.
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